I Should Have Been There
by TheAssassinFrom12
Summary: After Merle notices the scars on Daryl's back he begins to feel guilty for hardly ever being in his brother's life and feels like they need to talk about what really happened. (No slash and rated M for language).


**Another Walking Dead oneshot. More brotherly love because I actually really miss Merle and kind of wish they had more moments together in the show. Oh well, here's another fic for them.**

**No slash...**

**Enjoy. **

His shift on watch was finally over and he was heading up to his perch inside the prison where he slept. That day also happened to be Merle's first day sleeping over at the prison. But as tired as Daryl was he felt like sleeping wasn't an option. No one trusted Merle without someone watching him; he might rob the prison blind or worse.

The hunter sighed as he sat on his bed against the wall. He rummaged through his backpack to see if he could find anything of interest in there to keep him up. His hand hit something hard and square and when he pulled the object out he felt his heart sink a little. It was a small book titled: _The Missing Man_. It was Dale's and just the sight of this shitty novel made Daryl slightly smile at the memory of the old man. To be honest with himself he forgot he even had it. He's only read it about 10 times already because what else was he supposed to do during the zombie apocalypse aside from read? The book was terrible because the title alone only reminded him of Merle during the time he was missing… The rest just reminded him of Dale since it was _his _book. Sometimes, Daryl really missed that old man. The people at the prison could use his wisdom now more than ever since Rick is walking around crazy town.

By now, Daryl was already on chapter 5. By morning this book would be done for the eleventh time. Next time he's out making a run with Rick he had to pick up better books…

Though he was never much for reading – it seems to be the only thing that calms him down now.

He yawned and groaned softly from boredom until he heard heavy footsteps approach him. He looked up to see Merle pounding his feet up the stairs. Daryl rolled his eyes and turned back to the book. "You'll wake up the whole prison." He said dryly as his eyes skimmed the page.

"Whatcha readin'?" Merle asked. Without waiting for a reply, he bent down and pulled the book right out of Daryl's hand like a child would a toy. He held it sideways and tilted his head as if he had no idea how a book even worked.

"Give it back, Merle, it was Dale's."

"Ohhhh, that old man back at the camp? Yeh, I remember him. Hated him."

"….Just give the book back, bro. I was kinda readin' it."

Merle made a face. "You? Read? Little brother, yer thick skull might actually be growin' a brain." He flipped some pages with his bladed hand and Daryl tensed up, afraid he would rip it.

"No pictures?" The older commented, cocking a brow.

Daryl felt like he was five again and Merle was ten. "Merle, give it back…" He tried not to sound too childish, but this book was the last bit left of Dale, and he didn't want to lose that.

"Or what? You'll tell ol'Rick on me?"

Daryl blinked sleepily. "I'm too tired for this. Just go to bed."

"Then sleep. You don't haveta keep yer eyes on me all the time."

"I kinda do. No offence, bro, but I don't really trust you around here either. If yer ass does somethin' wrong, that'll be my fault, and I don't wanna be on my own anymore. Rick'll throw me out." After saying it, he kind of regretted it. Honestly, he knew Rick would never kick him out of the group, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

Merle scoffed. "He won't throw ya out on the street, little brother. Rick ain't like that – even I can see it."

"Well… Maybe not. But he won't trust me the same anymore." He looked at the book again and Merle rolled his eyes, tossing the thing on Daryl's bed. "Too boring for me anyway!" He said, but he wasn't leaving.

Daryl sighed. "Ya gonna go back to yer cell or….?"

"I actually came here to talk to you…" For once, Daryl heard something in his brother's voice that didn't sound the same. Almost like guilt….

The younger looked uneasy and turned to the book on his bed, feeling too awkward to make eye contact. "Kay…" He said softly.

"About dad…"

Daryl tensed up again and made a soft noise. Even Merle was able to see his brother's jaw tighten and his shoulders stiffen. Finally, Daryl looked up at the older with a sort of pain in his eyes. "This conversation is already over. Go back to yer cell, Merle. Now."

Merle insisted and sat on the edge of Daryl's bed. "Nope. I ain't leavin' that easily. Now… About the scars…"

"What about 'em!? Ya saw 'em – ya know who put them there, so there's nothin' to talk about. Now, go away, alright?! I'm exhausted…"

"Go away?! Why? So that I can leave here knowin' how you really feel?"

Daryl narrowed his eyes. "What are you talkin' about…?"

"You know exactly what I'm talkin' about, Daryl. I see how you look at me. You blame me for the scars – you blame me for what dad did, and it…." He trailed off. "It hurts…"

Daryl looked away. "Leave, Merle, I ain't tellin' you again."

Merle was quiet for a moment, just staring at his broken brother before him, unable to grasp what he went through with their dad while he wasn't there.

"He hurt you," Merle said at last and Daryl groaned in response, "Bad. I wasn't there to protect you, and that's on my hands."

"Hand." Daryl corrected, not looking up.

Merle made a face, trying to keep himself from losing his temper. "Will ya just look at me? Look at me like I'm yer brother and not some devil. I get it from everyone else 'round 'ere, I don't need it from my blood."

"Merle…" Daryl began, slightly picking his head up. "The scars… They don't matter anymore. Dad's dead. Mom's dead. They're all dead. It's in the past. It over. Nothin' more should be said about this."

"It matters to me because-"

"Ya weren't there," He finished his sentence, "I get it. Just drop the subject."

Merle shook his head. "No. Because you need to talk."

"Merle, what the fuck am I meant to tell you!?" Daryl suddenly shouted, feeling the rage hit him like a punch in the face.

"He hit me, stabbed me, punched me, almost killed me several times – beat me senseless with a fucking belt until I couldn't feel my own limbs anymore. You know how many times I would hide in my room under the covers praying that he would never come home? Is that what you wanna know? How scared I was that our own father would be that cruel? That's what you missed out on." He stopped for a moment, just staring at the older before him.

Merle looked at his brother with a terrified expression on his face. Nothing normally scared Merle, but this was different. Picturing all this in his mind frightened him, almost like he was standing in one of Daryl's flashbacks, watching the whole beating go down. Right now, all he wanted to do was hide his face and hate himself for never being there to stop it.

"And you know what," Daryl continued, "maybe I did deserve it – I dunno. I could never figure out why he did this to me, but maybe I just wasn't strong enough to stand up to him. And if I did die – if he did kill me you still wouldn't have been there. No, but it's okay. I wasn't expectin' my own brother at my funeral."

Merle was speechless – which is rare. He always has a comeback for everything, but this? It felt more than awful to hear this – and he felt like shit. Though, he knew he deserved the way Daryl was talking to him now. He had every right to be angry, every fucking right to hate his brother for never being in his life. But Daryl didn't hate him. If he did, he wouldn't have risked his pathetic life to look for him after he was handcuffed to that roof.

"Daryl…I didn't….." He tried to say, but could hardly speak. He felt like there was glass stuck in his throat.

"Happy? Ya got yer explanation, now let me fucking sleep!"

Slowly Merle got up and stopped at the stairs. Daryl lay on his side, facing the wall with his back towards his brother. He pulled the blanket up to his shoulder and just stared at the wall before him.

"I get it." Merle finally said and Daryl shut his eyes in aggravation, whishing this subject would just drop. "I wasn't there. But I'm here now, and I won't let you get hurt again. I may act tough, Daryl, but you're my brother, and I…" He wanted to say more, but cut himself short, just staring at his brother's back. He was relieved that the scars weren't visible at the moment, but even though they were covered, Merle felt like that image was permanently printed in his brain every time Daryl's back was towards him. He hated himself so much right now.

Daryl swallowed the knot in his throat and opened his eyes, but didn't look over his shoulder. He just listened.

"I'm sorry." He heard Merle say at last. The hunter bit his lower lip and slightly looked behind him while Merle started down the stairs. He was still heated and needed to calm down before he decided to talk to him again. He knew he hurt him by what he said, but if he talked to him now, Daryl would only get angry again. No, he'll wait for the morning. Right now, he was dead exhausted and no sooner did he shut his eyes, sleep over took him.

God only knew what the rest of the prison had heard…

_x-X-x_

Something was shaking Daryl's shoulder when he returned from consciousness. He moaned slightly and shrugged his shoulder away. It was Rick.

"Daryl, Get up. You slept in." The former Sheriff said gently.

Another moan from the hunter that kind of sounded like 'fuck off', but it was muffled and Rick hardly made out the words.

"Daryl... I was nice enough to let you sleep, but… We're running out of food." He said, still keeping caution to his tone.

Daryl yawned and blinked his eyes tiredly, feeling his senses return before he replied. "Sorry, Rick…" He said, shifting to his back and rubbing an eye. "Give me a minute to wake up ,and I'll go hunt."

Rick tapped his shoulder in a friendly manner, "Don't apologize, you needed the rest. Take your time and when you're ready, Carol made breakfast."

Daryl stifled another yawn, "Kay, Rick, thanks."

The leader smiled lightly and got up, heading over to Glenn's cell.

Daryl slowly sat up into a stretch before getting out of bed. Something smelt like cooking meat and the hunter felt his stomach growl at the scent. He pushed himself to his feet and yanked on his boots before starting downstairs. He headed for the common area outside of the cell block where Carol was cooking the rest of whatever Daryl had caught in the past few days.

She smiled at him as she handed Beth her plate, who was sitting at the table. "Hungry, Daryl?" Carol asked kindly.

Daryl nodded, still trying to shake the sleep from his eyes. "Very."

"Have yourself a seat then, the rest is just cooking."

Daryl slowly made his way to the table and sat across from the Beth. The blond smiled and laughed when the hunter pretty much face planted into the table with a tired moan.

"Someone needs to sleep more!" Beth teased.

Daryl shifted his head to the side, so that the side of his face was resting on the cool table, his eyes closed. "I'm so tired…"

"So you'd rather sleep on the table?" Beth asked with a laugh.

"When you're this exhausted you wouldn't care if you were sleeping on spikes."

Suddenly Daryl felt a gentle tap on his back and the clang of a plate hitting the table. He picked his head up to see Carol beside him, placing his breakfast there.

They smiled at each other before Carol placed a small kiss on his head and turned back to the closest thing they had to a stove. "You can post pone your hunt you know." She said.

"Naw." Daryl said blinking the sleep from his eyes. "I can't let you guys go hungry. I'll wake up eventually."

"Does this have to do with Merle?" Beth asked carefully. "I heard you guys fighting last night."

Daryl nodded, internally kicking himself for being so fucking loud about that fight. "Yeah, that's part of it… Speaking of my brother, where is he? I needa talk to him before I leave."

"He's still in his cell, I think." Carol said. "Hasn't left there all morning. Rick is leaving him alone. If he's being quiet, that might be a good thing."

Daryl smirked at that and laughed a little.

Beth smiled at someone over Daryl's shoulder and the hunter turned to see Glenn walking over. He was wearing a shirt two sizes too big for him and one side draped over his shoulder and he used the sleeve to rub and eye and fix his bed mutilated hair "Morning!" He said, a bit too cheerfully as he sat down next to Daryl.

"Someone's in a good mood." The hunter said with a smirk.

"What? Another morning and we're still alive, right?"

Carol past him his plate, fixing a messy spot of his hair that he failed to flatten down before walking away. Glenn crinkled his nose at the plate, narrowing his eyes at Daryl. "Squirrel again?"

"This ain't no damn diner." Daryl sneered. "That's all that's on the menu."

"At least it's cooked." Glenn said as he picked up the fork. "By the way, Daryl. What the hell happened with Merle last night?"

Daryl almost choked. "Jesus, did everyone hear!?"

Glenn and Beth shared similar looks and Daryl groaned. "My life just gets better and better…."

"Is it true though…" Beth began, "About your dad?"

"Beth!" Carol snapped suddenly, scaring herself by the tone of her voice. "Honey, I wouldn't bring that up." She said more kindly.

Daryl glanced at her, giving her a look that told her it was okay. Then he looked back at Beth and nodded slowly. "Yeah, but don't worry 'bout me. I'm a big boy, I can handle myself."

"Maybe you should go talk to him." Glenn said.

"I'm planning on it, I just… I uh… Don't wanna blow up at him again…It's not really his fault, you know… He didn't know what he was leaving me with. I think it's just the fact that he left that's bothering me."

"Daryl, I know it's a touchy subject, but maybe you should just talk to him about it and let him talk too." Glenn continued. "Just endure it, even if it's only a short lived conversation. It might not make you feel better, but it'll give you both a sense of understanding." It was a big jump for Glenn seeing as how much he hated Merle after he nearly killed him, but he didn't like seeing Daryl angry, and he figured this needed to be sorted out and soon. He hated when there was tension in the group. It made him feel uneasy.

The hunter smirked, "I thought you hated my brother. I never thought you'd be giving me this kind of advice."

"Well, I do hate him. But I don't hate you. You're my family, and knowing you've been hurt, bugs me just as much as it bugs him. I only wish I could help more." It was the honest truth, and because of it Glenn smiled a little.

Daryl's smirk slowly turned into a soft smile in return. "No, you helped plenty. Thanks."

It felt good to be cared for since he never really had this kind of relationship with anyone. At first he never even wanted to refer to these people as his friends let alone his family. Maybe losing Merle did him some good; gave him some time to clear his head. He found himself, where as if Merle was around, he'd feel like he'd have to be more like him. And thank God he wasn't like him. Daryl has finally found people he cares about and these people care about him. Still, Merle was his brother, and they just reunited. He didn't want to lose him again.

Getting up from the table, the hunter passed Carol on the way, but she grabbed his hand, causing him to stop. He blinked as she inched closer, kissing his cheek. "I hope it works out." She said smiling.

Daryl smiled back and nodded awkwardly as Carol released him.

_x-X-x_

Merle was laying on his bed, digging his bladed hand into the wall beside him, making small holes there. There was a soft knock on his doorframe and he picked his head up to find his brother leaning against it. He placed his head back down on the pillow beneath him and continued drawing on the wall.

"Come in." Merle said dryly.

Daryl scoffed. "You know cages freak me out…. I'll stay out here."

"The door ain't gon close on you, man."

"I'll take my chances."

Merle didn't answer him and kept his attention on the wall.

Daryl sighed softly to himself. "Look… 'bout last night…" He trailed off, watching as the older stop to look at him.

"I don't…" Daryl tried to say but shifted uncomfortably against the doorframe instead.

"Spit it out, little brother."

"I hate talking about the… About the scars… Okay? When ya brought it up, I guess it just caught me off guard. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

Merle sat up, listening to him.

"I'm not really good at apologies but…" He shrugged his shoulders against the wall. "I'm not sure what to think anymore."

The older swung his legs over the edge of his bed so that his feet were on the ground. He leaned over on his knees and looked at Daryl sympathetically.

"I should have been there…" Merle said. "But we finally found each other right?"

Daryl nodded, but he looked uneasy.

"What?" The older asked.

"It's just, uh… Not in the way I would have expected. I mean, I didn't think I had to get captured by the Governor in order to find you."

"But you did."

Daryl nodded slowly. "But I did…" He agreed slowly.

"So… Why does it still feel like there's something you're not telling me?"

"Glenn…" Daryl began and Merle rolled his eyes. "And Maggie."

"Well this is certainly a change of events."

"It's been bugging me since Glenn told me you were at Woodbury. You beat up my friend, Merle – you almost killed him. And the whole thing with the walker? Are you crazy?"

"The damn Chinese kid wouldn't speak! It was the Governor's orders. It was either Glenn's face or my life!"

"I told you, he's Korean…"

"Whatever, brother – look at yourself. You've turned into such a softy. It's almost like you actually care for these people."

Daryl turned away, tightening his jaw and shifted against the doorframe with his arms across his chest. Merle's eyes blinked, shocked, but despite that, a nasty smirk still played on his lips.

"Wait… You… You _do_ care about them?"

Daryl swallowed the knot in his throat. "They're my family now. They accept me. Sometimes this is a better life than any life I ever had."

The older crinkled his nose, "Who are you, and what did you do to my brother!?"

"I'm still your brother, just… Different."

"Oh, no! You didn't just change a little – you're a totally different person."

Daryl rolled his eyes and pushed off the wall. "Are we done 'ere? I gotta hunt."

"What, no hug? I thought we were makin' up!"

Daryl smirked slightly and awkwardly pointed at his brother's bladed hand. "That'll hurt. Besides, ya know I ain't much for hugging."

The older stood up, ignoring anything Daryl said, and grabbed him by the cuff of his shirt with his good hand, wrapping that arm around him.

Daryl blinked, not knowing where to put his hands, until he gently wrapped them around his brother's waist.

He heard Merle laugh in his hear. "I ain't gon stab you, Daryl."

"I know…"

They pulled away and Merle looked down at him, his eyes almost sad. It was a look Daryl hardly ever saw on his brother. "Ya still mad?" Merle asked carefully.

Daryl inhaled, "Nahh." He said with a light smile, watching as Merle grinned back in return.

Truth was he wanted to just forget the whole thing. He didn't know how much longer he and Merle would be together and he didn't want to ruin it now. He didn't want to fight.

He just wanted his brother back and that was something he finally had again.


End file.
